Pizza Delivery

Time

It has been more than a year since I updated this blog. I don't really know what got in the way. Whether  it is work, writer's block, the gradual descent of humanity into madness, or the largely uninteresting aspect of professionalism, or a combination of all these, or not even that. However, there is no point of crying over spilt milk, or random ideas, to be precise. Over the one and a half years, your socially unsure amateur writer has matured somewhat, taking most of the quirky actions of humanity in his stride, although, still deriving some observations from them.

Remember the article Zombie Culture? The heavy faces, the robotic movement? Well, I might have some explanation for its occurrence. As it is not too obvious from the title, I'll tell you what it's about. Space. No, wait, not space. Yes, time.

Purple Three-Piece (Chapter 1)

Rile me up, Scotty!

"Blog about your encounter with someone or something jiski #ConditionSeriousHai" read the contest description brought forth by https://www.facebook.com/cadbury5star. I have to admit I was pretty confused. You see, it was less Sophie's choice and more choosing a soup for dinner. The task of choosing one serious encounter from the sample space of constellations of frosty-nosed looks and gloomy arcs of the mouth isn't an enriching experience. Nevertheless, you try to shortlist the best of the best (worst of the worst, for the-glass-is-half-empty people). Then it hits you. An organization full of people jiski condition serious hai beats any one encounter with a single person.

Yes people, just try to remember your college days, and if you were in one of the more project-the-goody-two-shoes-image-to-the-parents colleges, you'd know what I am talking about. From the security guard at the main gate to the highest echelons of the educational food chain, every entity had a natural expression of an upside down smile.

Imagine yourself causally strolling in through the entrance of the college, and the conversation goes something like this:

Guard One (like G1 of Ra.One fame; not that anyone knows about him [G1, not the guard {I'm so sorry!}]) : Where's your ID card?
You: I left it in the lecture hall yesterday. I'll go and get it.
G1: Go and get it first, only then can you enter.
You: Whaaaaaaaaaat? It is IN the hall! How can I get it without entering the college?
G1: (repeating nonchalantly) Go and get it first, only then can you enter.
You: (sarcastically) Thank God you didn't become a professor of Physics.

Needless to say, rather than bending the laws of Physics, you bend the laws of the college and scale a tiny wall to get to your lecture hall.

Now that you have been delayed at the gate, there is no way in hell that you are going to reach the first lecture in time. Still, hoping against hope, you make a dash for the lecture hall. Being an agnostic, you still pray that the professor might be late because he might have forgotten his ID card too.

Wishful thinking, no doubt. You barge into the hall, only to find the meanest eyes staring at you from the raised platform.

Professor: "Why waste your dad's hard earned money? Stop coming."

No wonder it's called the lecture hall.

You: "Sir, the guard at the gate wasn't letting me enter. I forgot my ID here yesterday."
Professor: "Do you people have an omnibus of excuses or something? I'll have to mark you absent. Now go, get your ID card, and take a seat. Not that it would matter."

Now you are indignant. The one time you actually have a genuine explanation, they are not ready to hear it! On top of that, you have been marked absent and still have to sit for the class.

No amount of grovelling at the end of the lecture hour helps in getting the hallowed mark of a tick beside your name.

The day rolls on with the seriousness of one lecture after another. Through the middle of the day, you realize that you had to take a bona fide certificate from the college for a training you are attending. So you write a letter requesting for one, in your neatest handwriting, because you know that the value of the presentation is way more than the content itself. Not very different from a shallow guy choosing a girl.

Anyway, you head off to the college office, to get the chore out of the way. Everyone is so serious and yet lazy in the office. People are staring intently at sheets of paper and letting out silent albeit giant yawns. You try to approach someone with your request. She admonishes you, saying that you are so uncaring that you didn't even see how busy she was. You are told to wait for a half hour until she tidies up her work. After forty minutes, she's still sorting through coloured sheets of paper that already look sorted. You go up to her and request her to consider your request as you've got class soon. With a sigh of resignation, Sighhhhh.... (to which you so wanted to attach a 'girl look at that body', brainchild of the duo brilliantly named as LMFAO), she took up the letter you were so proud of until then.

Official: You want a bona fide certifiicate?
Thank you, Captain Obvious.
You: Yes, I need it for a training I'm attending.
Official: Did you get this approved by the necessary people?
You: Umm... Whom should I get it approved from?
Official: Your class in-charge, your department's HOD, the Vice Principal and the Dean. After that you submit this letter, and you'll get the certificate one day after the day of submission. That is the procedure, in order to avoid fraud. And please close your mouth.

Unknowingly, your jaw would have dropped to the floor after hearing the list of officials required to prove that you are a genuine student. It would take two days just to acquire those elusive signatures, what with all the "He's in a meeting, please come back later." or "He's busy right now, you can come in the evening." or maybe "He would rather watch cricket in his office than help you out with his signature. Please come back tomorrow." The last doesn't generally happen, but you never quite know, do you? You are not at the right end of the door to know for sure!

As the end of the day nears, you try to shrug off the tiredness. Ten more minutes of watching the professor and his animated expressions in front of some gibberish. Piece of cake. And out of the blue appears another professor. "You guys stay where you are. I have to take an extra class after this one."

A multitude of groans fill the already musty air. The portion to be covered in the extra class could have been covered the next day too, especially with around two months still left till the start of the exams.

So this is probably one of the most serious days that can occur, right? Wrong! This takes place half the time.

I don't know how much we actually got to learn because of the seriousness, but our ability at percentages did improve A LOT. Reason? Imagine this. You try to bunk some hours of the day, maybe a couple of hours each day, just so that you can squeeze in with the seventy-five percent attendance required by the law of the holy land. This was not to be tolerated by the Serious Shirleys. So marks were attached to the attendance percentages and as an icing on the cake, an SMS was triggered each hour you were absent from the class. Not each day mind you, each HOUR. So, if the hangover (because of the late night study sessions, of course) causes you to miss the first four hours before the interval, your Dad's SMS jingle would sound each hour for the four hours. Awesome or what? (Answer: what) And if your Dad too was all serious about it, I feel for you. I escaped on that account at least.

So you see, at the end of the day, Heath Ledger's joker would have a whale of a time around the campus. The number of times he'd get to utter the words "Why so serious?" would delight him no end. What follows those words, though, would be something to be serious about, indeed.

The Crimson Truth

Emotions: Calm (thin line) Chaos

Its one of the human traits I dread, simply because I don't have the tiniest clue as to how to express it. And I'm very sure that I fall into a category that is quite populated. How much is insensitive, how much is just right, or how much is a pathetic, emotional wreck? I mean, sure, we have images in our heads that define all three, but isn't that relative?

The Zombie Culture

This one is about a chilling new experience I've been having, after joining work. Let's just say, if I reach my bed at the end of the day with that sense of calm still intact, I consider myself a survivor of a certain zombie apocalypse.

Seeing Sartak Majumdar (Couldn't resist the pun. Sorry. Really.)

 

So, a couple of days back, I found out that Stray Factory was presenting another play for Chennai, Beeing Sartak Majumdar, teaming up with The Mannequins. I'd been to another of Stray factory's plays, Gerome Bixby's Man From Earth, and had relished the experience. Thus, without much delay, and confirming a friend's availability, I blocked two tickets for Saturday afternoon.

Why we can't achieve Social Nirvana

Umm... yeah, that is not an actual phrase. I just made it up. In my mind, it goes something like this: being at peace with yourself while interacting socially. Now don't take this too literally. You get the general idea, right? Just a word of warning, though. You are going to read the opinions of an almost-a-non-social-animal. Now, lets dig deeper.

Abosheshey or At the End of it All

You could never know what kind of art or medium would get you going, in a myriad of emotions; you just lose yourself in deep thought and are inspired to let things out.

Female Dog, I Beg Thee!

The Yao Ming face, or better known as the bitch, please! face has taken the troll comic and internet meme scene by storm. And the phrase sure has entered into our daily usage. And why not? The amount of shit people try to pour out on you, its only fair to hold out and take a dig yourself.

Rama, Rama! What's this drama?

Who likes the performing arts? Movies, shows, plays and the like? Almost all of us do. They are a treat to the eyes, ears and the mind. Lets shift towards the flavour of this blog. Now, who likes the performing arts in real life, acted out in front of them?

Keep it simple, stupid!

Simplicity. This word has mysteriously disappeared from many of our day-to-day dictionaries. 

The 100cc Hero

"The bike is making a clicking sound whenever I try to turn on the ignition and accelerate."

Expert Systems

 If you're thinking that this is going to be about the artificial intelligence topic, you're hugely mistaken.

Saturation ( aka Fed up )

 

Saturation : The magical time when you actually feel being an inanimate object wouldn't be such a bad idea, now would it?

Goodwill Ranting

Goodwill and Ranting : Two very different words, worlds apart, and yet they seem to blend so beautifully in some specific situations ( which we will come to, obviously! ) .

Simplicity?? What the hell is that?

 

"Cowards die many times before their deaths, The valiant never taste of death but once."

Many of you rememeber this quote from William Shakespeare's Julius Caesar. Whether you go by it, I won't like to speculate.

The Third Realm

All of us have been at crossroads at some point of time. You should know by now, not to take my words literally ( Doing that=BIG mistake ).

Mood Swings. Well, almost!

Let's face it. It happens to all of us. One minute we are laughing at the lamest of jokes ( please, people, no pointing! ) and the next moment, even a hug won't cheer us up.